A day that forever changed my life: A week later

Our hearts are heavy for the fallen soldiers and their families after the tragedy so close to home last week. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with the families of the fallen, the wounded soldiers and their families, and all those effected by this event. I pray they all are getting all the support they need to heal from their physical and emotional wounds that I am sure are so much deeper than their surfaces are showing.

Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers for our family during and after.

I can't believe a whole week has gone by since that terrifying afternoon that changed my life forever! This week has been scary, sad, meaningful, hectic, memorable, crazy, long and at the same time short, and more and more emotions that I can't put into words at the moment.

Probably most of you don't know about things that happened in our community in the days after the Fort Hood shooting.

On Thursday, April 3, the day following the shooting, there was a bomb scare downtown. Several city blocks were evacuated and of course fear filled the town. Bomb squads, SWAT teams, and police spent hours keeping the community safe and working disarm what appeared to be a pipe bomb. Of course people were glued to their computers and televisions to see what terrible event was unfolding that day. Obviously people were connecting it to what had happened at Fort Hood only 18 hours prior. After about four hours, they finally announced that it was a fake. I don't know what kind of sick person makes fake bombs and plants them in plain sight (it was on the hood of a car; a neighbor called it in) the day after such a horrible event and fear cripples a community, but I guess they got what they wanted.

Ok that was just a fake, you can breathe again! Friday, April 4, my kids were crazy; not listening to anything I said, unpacking boxes, throwing fits left and right. I had planned on running errands that morning but decided against it with my bad mood babies. While eating lunch, I heard a couple sirens go off. I knew they were close to the house but after they died down, I didn't think much of it. Got the kids down for their naps and finally got to sit down to eat my own lunch (around 2:00). All of the sudden I heard a TON of sirens; they seemed louder and closer than the ones earlier. I look out my windows and see a police car blocking off a nearby street, their sirens off but lights going. The sirens are still going but I can't see anything else. I check the local news station and they aren't saying anything about it. I run to my computer thinking, ok WHAT is going on? Are we safe? Do I need to go get my babies upstairs? What could it be now? And then praying...Lord I don't know what is happening but I just pray that you watch over us and keep us safe. Be with all who are involved in whatever is happening and help keep them safe as well. Please don't let this be another tragedy.

I finally find out that a man called the police (the first sirens I heard) saying he wanted to take his own life. There wasn't a lot of details about this story. I think with everything going on at Ft. Hood, everyone was trying to limit media sharing and oversharing. I still don't know about the timeline of the afternoon, but apparently the police talked with him for a long time. Eventually the man charged at a police officer with some knives, causing the police to take him down by force (with their guns). The man was expected to survive, he was taken to a nearby hospital in stable condition.

Our neighborhood, actually only a couple of houses down from our new house, was covered in yellow crime scene tape and littered with ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars. Oh my goodness...this week!!! That's a lot for me to take in!!!

I had the privilege of attending a Flag Walk in honor of our fallen soldiers with a friend and our kids later that night. It was so sweet to see all these families from our community come together for this, an event that wasn't really largely advertised except for on Facebook, but had a great turnout. It was really meaningful to see the support for the families of the wounded and fallen from our great community!

(Sorry for this not so great photo...we were mid-stride and I was pushing a stroller and corralling my 3YO).

I got to end this week spending a whole day with my wonderful little family of four and begin this next week with a wonderful time of worship with my church family. Oh God gives me peace!

I've learned several things from the events that unfolded late last week:

You truly never know what day will be your last or your loved ones' last. Cherish the time you have with your loved ones. Love them, make sure they know you love them, show them you love them, hug and kiss them!

I know my husband is where he should be, doing what he's meant to do! I never, EVER, imagined I would be an Army wife and raise a family in the midst of PCS(es), possible deployments, living on or near posts, etc. But I'm so glad C is the soldier and doctor that he is and that he can use his gifts to serve and care for the men and women serving our country.

There is A LOT of hurt in this world! There is A LOT of fear in this world! Hurt and fear that can only be cured by the love and peace that only God  can give! The world needs Him! I hope I can be a part of sharing that!

I run to Him! I ran to Him this week! I clung to Him this week! I know I wouldn't have gotten through this week without Him. I wouldn't be in the place I am now without Him!

I was able to watch a bit of the memorial service for the three fallen soldiers yesterday. It was very touching and I pray that the families of those soldiers were able to celebrate their service, heroism, and their lives along with grieving their loss. I hope they are beginning to heal and find peace.

To quote as best as I can remember Chief of Staff of the Army, General Odierno, "The strength of our nation is our Army. The strength of our Army is our soldiers. The strength of our soldiers is our families".

By far the scariest day of my life: An update

As some of you may have noticed, I removed my blog from the page in order to maintain discretion while officials conducted their investigation. I feel it's necessary to update and correct some things I said before. I apologize for my emotions jumbling up some of the details I got of that day.

First of all, my husband didn't go to the ED immediately, he remained in his clinic as ED patients were being moved there. He was there when some of the wounded first arrived.

I thought he only cared for one particular soldier, when in actuality it was two. I was never told clearly that he spoke to Lt. General Milley but have now been informed that he did. Lt. General Milley came by the rooms of the wounded to check up on their statuses.

I now know the story of at least one of C's colleagues who was called in to the hospital that day from off base. He was there ASAP and also jumped into action without really knowing what was going on.

Apparently, after the first 911 calls came in, police contacted only the ED (emergency Dept, in case I need to clarify that again). The hospital made the Mass Cal announcement not long after. The ED transferred patients from their dept. to the clinic where my husband works. The first two victims were brought in with active CPR and unfortunately didn't make it.

Ok, I think that's all I misunderstood from my previous post. Sorry again about the misinformation.

By far the scariest day of my life! (Updated Version)

I know there's lots of our friends and family who have lots of questions about what happened with us during the tragic events of the Fort Hood shooting yesterday. I figured this is the easiest way to share our family's story.

First of all, our hearts and prayers are with all of the victims and their families as well as everyone else effected by the horrific scene on post yesterday.

I am certain there are several families out there with similar or more intense stories to tell about their experiences yesterday. This is ours:

No, we don't live on post. My husband works on post. He is actually a doctor at the post hospital.

It all started with a Facebook update I got, a notification from a group I am in. It said something to the effect of "Active shooter at Ft. Hood, whole post on lockdown, shooting began near medical building."

Medical building? Does that mean the hospital? Oh my gosh, what is going on?!!? I immediately text my husband saying "I need to know that you're ok...saw something about active shooter. Please let me know you're ok." He sometimes doesn't get to respond to messages, but I had to KNOW what was going on. I don't really know how I even got that out because my hand was literally shaking SO hard that my screen was hard to read.

A bit before this, on his end, he heard the "Mass Cal...not a drill" announcement at the hospital. He immediately texted me "Hey something's happened. I'm ok. Have no clue how late I will be". I never got this text. The hospital has terrible reception and this happens often. C (my husband) and his colleagues took direction from doctors who sadly had been through this before, only 4 and a half years ago. The clinic C works in quickly became full of patients from the ED (Emergency Dept) as it was cleared out for triage for the wounded coming in.

Back at our new house, we had the ADT guy here hooking up our new system. Both of our kids, 3 and 1, were awake from their naps. Poor ADT guy was trying to get me to sit down to go through details of our system. I looked at him and said "Look, something's happened on post, where my husband works. I can't do anything till I know he's ok." He was very understanding as I flipped on the TV to a local news channel who was covering it all live. I remember just praying and praying-God help him be ok, he has to be ok! But trying to keep it together for my babies and since the ADT guy was still here.

My sweet SIL (sister in law) texted me about this time saying "saw on news active shooter at ft. hood, don't know what's going on, hope yall are safe. Praying everyone is safe. We love you." I got tears in my eyes as I responded to her "I don't know much either. Haven't heard from C (my husband). Freaking out! PRAYERS needed!" Remember the screen shaking a bunch then too!

I thought, oh my goodness...this can't be happening. I needed to know that C and other friends were ok. I texted three other doctors' wives to see if they knew anything, anymore than me. Two of them didn't know anything was going on yet...sorry if I scared you friends!

News station was reporting that post was on lockdown. Information and details about the situation were hard to come by since for awhile no one was allowed on or off base, and afterward only essential personnel were. Military personnel as well as families living on base heard the "big voice" saying "Shelter in place. Stay away from windows and doors..." Someone on post recorded it on their phone and sent it to the news station. They were saying there were possibly two shooters and they were still at large.

About 20 minutes after I knew what was going on I FINALLY received word from C that he was ok! His text said "I'm safe. Helping wounded but safe". Thank you LORD! Ok those prayers answered, but was it over? They said still at large. The news then reported that a nearby community college was being evacuated. I think ahhh does that mean the shooters gotten off post? Are we safe here? Can't believe this is happening! Can NOT believe it!

Heard from a friend (another wife I contacted earlier) that she had heard from her husband and he was ok. Told her I finally got the word C was too. I texted another friend, who hadn't heard yet. We were all just SO shocked! And kept saying ok we will keep in touch if we get more updates. Praying it's over and no one else is hurt!

Many of the doctors and nurses at the hospital didn't know what was going on or if it was over, but they immediately jumped into action to help the wounded. So proud of the team at the post hospital! C saw most of the victims from afar and treated two of the wounded soldiers. One was a gunshot wound, one was shattered glass resulting from a bullet hitting the windshield of his car. Now that more information has been released by officials of the investigation, I can share a bit more of what I knew that night. One soldier seemed to know the sequence of events and what caused the shooter to "lose it". The shooter apparently didn't like what he was told about a leave form. He left and returned soon to open fire on them.

C's mom called~she saw on the news what was going on and of course wanted to know what I knew. Told her I had heard from him and that he was safe and taking care of wounded. She of course had a ton of questions that I couldn't answer. I could tell she was almost in tears and scared to death as was I. I held it together until we got off the phone.

Finally got ADT guy to leave...bless his heart, I have NO idea what he told me about our new system. After he left, for some reason, I just felt so unsafe. I locked all the doors, turned on ADT system (good thing it was similar to the one in our old house), and got my babies and kinda just lost it. I will NEVER forget sitting on the kitchen floor, in front of the pantry door, with both of them in my lap, tears pouring down my face. My 3YO looked at me and said momma ok? I said "well, baby, something really scary has happened at Daddy's work. We know Daddy is ok and his friends are ok, but he has to help some people that are hurt" Then we prayed and prayed. We still hadn't heard much about the situation~last I heard shooter or shooters still at large, no confirmed number of casualties.

Then my mom called...still in tears I talked to her, explaining what I knew. Felt so helpless. It was so good to hear her voice telling me it was ok, we were ok. Sometimes you just need your momma! I remember getting off the phone with her and thinking wow, our street is dead. We live in a neighborhood with several other military families. Our street is usually buzzing with the sounds of cars coming and going from post as people return to their homes for the nights or head into their shifts. But there was an eerie quiet tonight.

Texts and calls from great friends and family began pouring in~wondering if this is where we were? Were we ok? Was C ok? Did we live on post? Did we know anymore than what little was being leaked out into media? It became a lot to deal with. Yes, it was so wonderful to know we were in all your thoughts and prayers, I apologize if I was short with any of you. I didn't mean to be, just dealing with a lot.

Heard from C again, this time he said "I'm ok. Lots of wounded. Can't talk more. No idea how much longer I will be. Love you". About this time, they announced unconfirmed that one shooter was dead by self-inflicted gunshot to the head. Still speculation of second shooter at large. Someone hunkered down in a building on post near a lot of the action (who probably got into a lot of trouble afterward), called in to the local news station and  told everyone what was going on around him. He described seeing several soldiers, some civilians and even a few young children being escorted out of a building. He said it looked like they were maybe searching them. Can't imagine how horrifying that would be for those people, especially those children. The media hasn't said much about this. I still don't know what it was all about. Don't know if I ever will. Still shocked by all of this and wondering when it would end!

Finally it came over the news that the now sole shooter was confirmed dead. Oh thank you Lord that no one else was hurt and that everyone was safe. But really everyone wasn't safe. There were three soldiers who lost their lives. Lost their lives at their home post, during a typical day. There are 16 other soldiers injured, some in critical condition. Injured by a fellow a soldier, one of their own. There are over 60,000 troops stationed at Ft. Hood, add about 40,000 family members and vets to that and you get a good sized town. Everyone who has a connection to Fort Hood, whether small or large, was effected. Our lives are forever changed.

There were SO many speculations being made. SO many conclusions being jumped to. The media didn't know how to make sense of it, much like all of us. National news stations were speculating about Fort Hood being some kind of target for terrorist groups, etc. People were grasping at straws. It seemed everyone was shell-shocked. How could this happen? How could this happen here again? Why did he do this? Was it pre-meditated? Was it connected to terrorism? How could this happen? Press conferences were announced but delayed.

Around 20:30 (8:30 PM for all my non-military people), got an update from C. He thought they were finishing things up at the hospital but post was still on lockdown so didn't know how much longer he'd be. I responded to him and told him how much I loved him, that I would keep kids up till he got home if I could, figured he'd want to hug them!

Tried updating everyone that was texting/calling me with questions about what I knew and what C had just told me. Heard on news that lockdown was officially lifted and cameras showed vehicles slowly trickling back through the gates. That was a wonderful scene! Reports were coming in of victims: 3 dead, 16 injured.

At the hospital, Lt. General Milley came in to get updates on all victims conditions. C said that was intimidating. He gave him updates and was impressed at the way Lt. General Milley talked with the soldiers, showing his true compassion for them. At the risk of over-sharing, I will not go into more details about what C saw.

C finally made it home around 22:00 (10:00 PM). I met him on the porch and hugged him so tight and lost it again!!! I was SO thankful he made it home to us! We embraced on the porch for a couple minutes before the kids and the dog were out in the driveway wanting to play.

I am SO proud of C, always have been. I am SO proud to be a part of the post hospital family. I am SO proud of the medical personnel at the hospital who stepped up to help in the midst of chaos! I'm SO proud that Lt. General Milley commended the medical professionals at the hospital for their job well done! I am SO proud to be a part of the Army family!

The events that took place on Fort Hood yesterday were horrifying and terrible. Our hearts are heavy for our fallen soldiers and their families. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the injured victims and their families. Everyone who was effected by the tragedy yesterday are in our thoughts and prayers. You've all heard several people, President Obama, Texas Senators, Lt. General Milley say it: Fort Hood is a strong community, a resilient community. They have seen tragedy in the past and have overcome it. They will be strong and rally around each other to get through this too. They are Army Strong.

(I love this photo. It was taken at the Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor. I love the way the sun is shining over the flag. It reminds me of The National Anthem's lines "...and the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there! Oh say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave o'er the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave!")